Daily joke

[Vendingwarehouse]

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my p**** and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my p**** I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my p**** out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his p**** with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the *******!"

[jacko]

[Vendingwarehouse]

A blonde is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has never seen before. She sees the slot for money, gets money out of her purse, puts 65 cents into the machine, and pushes a letter and a number.

She is mesmerized by the coils turning just enough to let out the candy.

She does this many more times. After a little while, a man comes up behind her and says, "Miss, could you please move? I would like to get some candy."

She replies, "Excuse me?! Can't you see I'm winning here?!?!"

[Vendingwarehouse]

A man and his wife in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain an labor. She should be in my custody.
The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense?
The man sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine's or mine?

[Venderbase]

You really do have too much time on your hands

[Vendingwarehouse]

It's a bank holiday here and i'm waiting for an e-mail.Happy days-- try the next one

[Vendingwarehouse]

Blonde Medical Terminology

Blonde Medical Terminology
--------------------------

Anally - occurring yearly

Artery - study of paintings

Bacteria - back door of cafeteria

Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails

Bowel - letter like A.E.I.O.U

Caesarian section - district in Rome

Cat scan - searching for kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - sheep dog

Coma - a punctuation mark

Congenital - friendly

D&C - where Washington is

Diarrhea - journal of daily events

Dilate - to live long

Enema - not a friend

Fester - quicker

Fibula - a small lie

Genital - non-Jewish

G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game

Grippe - suitcase

Hangnail - coathook

Impotent - distinguished, well known

Intense pain - torture in a teepee

Labor pain - got hurt at work

Medical staff - doctor's cane

Morbid - higher offer

Nitrate - cheaper than day rate

Node - was aware of

Outpatient - person who had fainted

Pap smear - fatherhood test

Pelvis - cousin of Elvis

Post operative - letter carrier

Protein - favoring young people

Rectum - damn near killed 'me

Recovery room - place to do upholstery

Rheumatic - amorous

Scar - rolled tobacco leaf

Secretion - hiding anything

Seizure - Roman emperor

Serology - study of knighthood

Tablet - small table

Terminal illness - sickness at airport

Tibia - country in North Africa

Tumor - an extra pair

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - located nearby

Vein - conceited

[Vendingwarehouse]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by up to 90%. - Its called wedding cake.


How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didnt, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.

[Vendingwarehouse]

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you p****, I will have it enlarged.

[Vendingwarehouse]

what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth