Daily joke
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Re: Daily joke
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my p**** and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my p**** I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my p**** out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his p**** with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the *******!"
The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my p**** and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my p**** I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my p**** out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his p**** with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the *******!"
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Re: Daily joke
A blonde is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has never seen before. She sees the slot for money, gets money out of her purse, puts 65 cents into the machine, and pushes a letter and a number.
She is mesmerized by the coils turning just enough to let out the candy.
She does this many more times. After a little while, a man comes up behind her and says, "Miss, could you please move? I would like to get some candy."
She replies, "Excuse me?! Can't you see I'm winning here?!?!"
She is mesmerized by the coils turning just enough to let out the candy.
She does this many more times. After a little while, a man comes up behind her and says, "Miss, could you please move? I would like to get some candy."
She replies, "Excuse me?! Can't you see I'm winning here?!?!"
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Re: Daily joke
A man and his wife in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain an labor. She should be in my custody.
The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense?
The man sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine's or mine?
The wife jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain an labor. She should be in my custody.
The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense?
The man sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine's or mine?
- Venderbase
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Re: Daily joke
![crylaugh :crylaugh:](./images/smilies/crylaugh.gif)
![crylaugh :crylaugh:](./images/smilies/crylaugh.gif)
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Re: Daily joke
It's a bank holiday here and i'm waiting for an e-mail.Happy days-- try the next one
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Re: Daily joke
Blonde Medical Terminology
Blonde Medical Terminology
--------------------------
Anally - occurring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel - letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Congenital - friendly
D&C - where Washington is
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - non-Jewish
G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game
Grippe - suitcase
Hangnail - coathook
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Labor pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - damn near killed 'me
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion - hiding anything
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small table
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited
Blonde Medical Terminology
--------------------------
Anally - occurring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel - letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Congenital - friendly
D&C - where Washington is
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - non-Jewish
G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game
Grippe - suitcase
Hangnail - coathook
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Labor pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - damn near killed 'me
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion - hiding anything
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small table
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited
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Re: Daily joke
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by up to 90%. - Its called wedding cake.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didnt, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.
Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didnt, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.
Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.
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Re: Daily joke
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you p****, I will have it enlarged.
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Re: Daily joke
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth