Both rarely work and always steal your money.
come here ... there`s more
Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had 2 kit-kats fall out of the vending machine at once
it`s the way he told em RIP Frank Carson and Ken Gooodwin two great comics who died within hours of each other

Maybe I'm a pessimist but I see using a vending machine as a form of gambling. I bet £1 on Pringles! Twist. Twist. Twist. Stuck.....
How many of the old "comedians" are left from the tv show of the same name ?
Im on a bit of a rant tonight , had the police here earlier enquiring about my mental state... no word of a lie... the wife didnt help ... she told the police women "you want to try livin with him".... I got a parking ticket for a vehicle I had sold ... I responded telling them I had sold the van and they replied saying my appeal had been unsuccessful ??? I immediately located the head office as the postal address I had was a PO box( Parking Eye)... I scrawled a note down on 2 A4 sheets explaining to them that I would take a black and decker sander to my own scrotum before I would pay them one penny amongst other things... I wrappped the note around a house brick and secured it with clingfilm and delivered it to their office on Sunday by hand... the postie wouldnt have liked to deliver it... I simply left it on their doorstep...I had included in the note that the brick was to stop the note blowing away etc...and I was not sure if they would have a letterbox or not... anyway I have received an email saying my new appeal has been successful and no further action will be taken... so why the police came is beyond me... I dont think I had committed any offence though my note may have caused some ! there`s nowt wrong wi me Im alright I am.
But then again I think this man is hilarious so my mental health status might be in serious question