Daily joke

[Vendingwarehouse]

The local yokel got married and his honeymoon was the first time he'd been off the farm.

He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford a classy hotel.

Checking in he said "Me and the new WIFE would like to hire your best room for a week"

"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist. "Would you like the Bridal"?

The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said "Naw, reckon not, a'll just hang onto her ears 'til a get the hang of it"

[Vendingwarehouse]

One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."

Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."

[Vendingwarehouse]

Paddy had found himself a new job painting the white lines on roads. The first day Paddy painted 5 miles of lines. The second day Paddy painted 3 miles. The third day Paddy painted only 1 mile. The next day Paddy was called into his bosses office, '' You started off really well Paddy, what happened?''

''Its not my ****' fault'' Paddy replied, '' The bucket gets further and further away!''

[Vendingwarehouse]

A bank robber walks up to one of his hostages and asks, "Did you see my face?"

The hostage replies, "Yes."

The robber takes aim and shoots the man in the head.

He turns to the next man. "And did you see my face?"

"No, but my wife did!"

[Vendingwarehouse]

Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken."
"Yes," says Harry, "that's inflation for you."
"It's nothing to do with inflation," says grandma, "it's all them **** security cameras they have nowadays."

[Vendingwarehouse]

A businessman walks into the office of a Recruitment Consultant.
"We're looking for an accountant", he says.
"You are?" replies the puzzled consultant, "but didn't we find you a new accountant last week?
"Yes," replies the businessman, "that's the **** we are looking for."

[ogdenfamily4]

Husband & wife on thier 10th anniversary

Wife undresses and says

"What did you think when I undressed 10 years ago?"

"I wanted to f*ck your brains out and suck your t*ts dry!!" he replies

"So what do you think now?" She asks

"Looks like I did a pretty good job"!!!!

[PGBrew]

Little girl comes running into the house mummy mummy do au pair girls come apart? Mum says - don't be silly, of course not dear. Girl replies - well I've just heard daddy talking to our neighbour next door and said he's screwed the **** of ours!!

[jake]

There was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him "Onestone".
After years and years of torment Onestone finally cracked and said "if anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him Onestone again.
Then one day a young woman called Blue Bird forgot and said " good morning Onestone".
He jumped up, grabbed her, dragged her into the woods and made love to her all day and all night until she died of exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he said.
Years went by and no one dared calling him by his given name, until one day a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Birds' cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said " good to see you Onestone".
Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the woods and made love to her all day and all night, then continued all the next day and all the next night. No matter how long he made love to her Yellow Bird did not die.

What is the moral of this story?











OH....come on take a guess.










Think about it.

















Not sure you are going to like this!
















And the moral is:

You can't kill two Birds with one stone!


Sorry, couldn't resist, Joe

[Coin Operated Group]

There was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him "Onestone".
After years and years of torment Onestone finally cracked and said "if anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him Onestone again.
Then one day a young woman called Blue Bird forgot and said " good morning Onestone".
He jumped up, grabbed her, dragged her into the woods and made love to her all day and all night until she died of exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he said.
Years went by and no one dared calling him by his given name, until one day a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Birds' cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said " good to see you Onestone".
Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the woods and made love to her all day and all night, then continued all the next day and all the next night. No matter how long he made love to her Yellow Bird did not die.

What is the moral of this story?











OH....come on take a guess.










Think about it.

















Not sure you are going to like this!
















And the moral is:

You can't kill two Birds with one stone!


Sorry, couldn't resist, Joe

And i approved his membership